Do you have any stories or advice about preparing yourself emotionally for a parents death?Any advice for someone who is preparing to lose a parent?
When we found out that my Dad had colon cancer and was given 3 months to live we decided to video tape him. He told us how he met my Mom (she has been gone 10 years) why we moved so often. We asked questions we wanted answers to. We also wanted to know about our relatives, friends and anything he wanted to tell us. We got the entire family together at our house, soon after we got the diagnosis, and had hospice starting to come. My suggestion is not to have any little kids around when taping. My brothers made a comment about something my Dad said, and he bit their heads off. He could not be interrupted, or he would lose his train of thought. The cancer had spread to his brain and he got angry over little things, which was not like him. It took me about 2 years to be able to watch the video, but at least we have something, so our grandchildren will be able to see and hear him. If they have questions, we can refer back to the tape. My Mom had a massive stroke (on my anniversary) and there are many things I regret not having said to her. I did write her a letter and framed it for her 60th birthday. I said alot of it in that, but I never got to say goodbye. She died 6 months later. My brother lives in another state and came for his birthday. He was getting ready to leave, and I told him he better tell Dad he loved him etc. because that would be the last time he would see him. He moved out here and thankfully helped me take care of him. I don't know how I would have done it alone. He went in to a coma the day after my daughters birthday, let us enjoy our 4th of July (the best we could) and we had all been telling him it was OK to go be with Mom, yet he hung on. We had a niece that we couldn't see for 15 years and when she was 18, she came looking for us. We called her before he went into the coma and told her she needed to say her goodbyes. By the time she got here, he was in a coma for 3 days, but was not letting go. She got here about 10 PM, went in his room, said her goodbyes, came back to my bedroom to let me know she was there. We went in to see Dad together, and he took his last breath. He was waiting for her to come. All his family was there, and that is what he wanted.
It is much easier on you when you know they are going to pass away, rather than have them die suddenly. Neither is easy, and I'm not sure you ever get over missing them.
I hope this gives you an idea, we have about 12 hours of my Dad telling us all about his life and his life with my Mom. It is priceless.
My heart goes out to you if you are going to lose a parent. Please know that God will get you through it, and I'm not necessarily a religious person. They were big Green Bay Packer fans, were at the ice bowl and froze their butts off. On the day that would have been their 50th anniversary, the Packers played Seattle Seahawks, (we live in Oregon) and it snowed like crazy. For them, it was a perfect day!
My best of luck to you, it is not easy, but you get through it and you handle it in your own way.
Rx TechAny advice for someone who is preparing to lose a parent?
There is really no good way to prepare to lose a parent, it is one of life's hardest experiences, and if it is losing a mother, that is to me the hardest of life's experiences. I lost my mother to recurrent tongue cancer june 7th last year, we had known for sure for about 3 weeks that she was going to die, but we had an idea of it for about 5 weeks. There really is not a way to prepare yourself, it is still going to hit very hard and it is going to take a while to recover from, especially if you are close to that parent. My advice is to spend as much time with them as you can, if they are still cognitive share stories with them about the times you have had together, let them know how much you love and care for them. And then if they become unconscious before dying, still speak to them, but dont talk about anything negative, hearing is the last thing to go, so always be sure to emit positive feelings. They may not be able to speak back to you but there is still a chance they still have enough of their consciousness to hear you. I feel so bad for everyone who has to go through this, especially when that loved one is sick to the point that noone can do anything for them. It hurt so bad having to watch my mom suffer knowing that I could do nothing to stop, knowing that I couldn't do anything more than provide palliative care.
I lost my father suddenly, unexpectedly, a few years back, and that was painful enough. I feel so sorry for you if you have to prepare for a parent to die, I can imagine that that would be more painful than how I lost Dad.
I recommend hearing as many stories as you can of their life and writing it down, and take lots and lots of photos AND videos. These are the things you miss the most. I didn't get enough, and so now my most treasured file on my computer is a soundless 20 second video of my dad at his last birthday, just cutting the cake and being hugged, totally normal stuff like that - get it on film.
Do not miss a moment with them. Never fight with them, never say a bad word to them - those you'll remember, and it's horrible.
I hope this helps, and if you need support turn first to your family and friends, or if you need a sympathetic stranger, you can email me. I am so, so sorry. It's a horrible thing to have to go through.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I lost my mum through cancer and was lucky enough to have kissed her goodnight before she passed etc. although we knew she had days, I still couldn't believe it when she dies that night and got very distraught when the funeral men wanted to take her away (she died at home). i wish i could offer you some advice but I can't, everyone is different and people cope in different ways.
The only thing that helped me was that I found it a huge help to talk about my mum all the time with those who knew her and we even laughed at some daft things on the day of her funeral. I still talk all the time about her and things she did (not in a mad obsessive way!) and it helps me feel close to her and that her spirit is with me everyday.
Mum was on too many drugs her last week so I was not able to say a final goodbye or I love you etc and this upset me until my sister said ';but you told her you loved her over the last 35 years and she knew you loved her'; That gave me peace, not worrying over a grumpy day I might have had when she was terminal etc
God bless you and big hugs
Form a group of people with same problem
-read more health books
-have contacts with doctors through internet
-read religious books,about god ,nature
-Who will live forever ,every one has to die
-write down your parents principles and publish them in internet,advice to the world
-You can write e mails to me
September of 02 we found out my dad had terminal liver cancer. I cried and cried, after I was able to pull myself together I decided that I was gonna make the most of the time I had left with my dad. That's exactly what I did. My dad survived until january of 04. What helps me get thru the grief I still feel to this day, is that I spent alot of time with my dad.
I would spend alot of time and make the very best of the time you have with your parent.
I am so very sorry
my mom died when i was 15. the docs said we should tell her goodbye. so i told her not to worry, ide take care of my sister and we'd be ok.
biggest regret of my life, i should have told her to fight instead of asking her to die...
nothing can prepare you, its a pain that never goes away.
im ok today but for a few years i was super depressed, the thing that made me finally feel any better was seeing a ghost. i had this crazy night of drinking heavily and one of my best friends who had died recently was sitting next to me, i asked him how being dead is and he said ';its ok'; i feel like he was watching over me that night and i know my mom is watching me too... i do not recommend that you drink til you see a ghost but its the only thing that made me feel not better, but just ok about it...
honestly the worst part was the funeral and all the people saying how sorry they are, ide avoid that if i had to do it over again... just do your normal thing, go to school or work, keep your mind off it as much as possible
have as much fun with this person as you can
also i recommend going to the mayo clinic in minnesota, other doctors told my mom she had a really rare form of cancer and should just go home and die... at the mayo, they said wtf we deal with this ';all the time'; she ended up having a heart attack, but her cancer would have been fixed... just a fyi... best of luck to you
I've lost both of Mine in less than 5 years. It's hard to get Emotionally ready for such Events. You will hurt,but that helps when You're going Thur the grieving process. Mama passed away in July of 08, and Our whole Family told Her bye the day before. Letting go is hard,but stay close to Your Family members.
I have been through this, so has my spouse. As much as we prepare ourselves when it happens, it's a shock.
There is no easy way to say you'll be O.K. you can do the best you can and don't suppress your emotions, it's O.K. to cry and show emotions. I'm sorry for you, God bless you.
sweetie its gonna be hard i never lost one but i can only imagine its gonna take time my best advice is to pray for strenght and say all the things you want to your parent make them happy but prepare to be strong god will help you threw this and im so sorry
Try and talk to them and say everything you always wanted to- cos it's too late afterwards.
Are you in UK? - Cruse offer a counselling and advice service.
it would be very hard.....for anyone........
